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Jimmy Carter's Congregation Erupts In Applause As He Reveals He's "Cancer-Free"

Jimmy Carter's Congregation Erupts In Applause As He Reveals He's "Cancer-Free"

It is with great joy that we are able to announce that former President Jimmy Carter has announced that he is cancer-free. The ninety-one-year-old former politician and beloved humanitarian shared the good news with the 350 members of the Sunday school class of the Maranatha Baptist Church in Plains, Georgia. “My most recent MRI brain scan did not reveal any signs of the original cancer spots nor any new ones. I will continue to receive regular three-week immunotherapy treatments of pembrolizumab” announced the elderly statesman, at which point a witness said that “everybody here, just erupted in applause.”

In August, Jimmy Carter said that doctors had found four small melanoma lesions on his brain after they had removed a lesion from his liver, but has responded well to treatment and appears to have won his battle with the deadly disease. “See? I knew he wasn’t really human!” quipped his grandson, James Carter. The nation was quick to respond with an outpouring of love and support to his diagnosis, for the most part, and will be extremely relieved to hear we will have his guidance in the coming storms facing our nation. This is incredibly uplifting news at a time when the media cycle is dominated by images of blood and violence. Jimmy Carter has dedicated his life to helping others, and has played a huge role in improving the lives of people across the world. He is a national icon that will thankfully be with us for the near future.

Colin Taylor
Opinion columnist and former editor-in-chief of Occupy Democrats. He graduated from Bennington College with a Bachelor's degree in history and political science. He now focuses on advancing the cause of social justice and equality in America.

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