If Marco Rubio wrote a book about running for President, it would have to be titled: “Everything I Needed to Know to Run for President, I Learned In Kindergarten.” His campaign ideas would certainly be more well organized if he wrote that book than this twitter post he’s been advertising:
Instead Rubio’s writing a sadder, less popular book entitled “Everything I Needed to Embarrass Myself Running For President, I Learned in Kindergarten” after releasing his latest, lamest campaign tactic asking supporters to sign a petition “if you know that a human life won’t become a donkey or a cat” would’ve only passed muster if turned in as homework in kindergarten.
Robert Fulghum’s self-help classic entitled “Everything I Needed to Know, I Learned In Kindergarten.” might actually have some better policy ideas for Rubio about governing than he’s come up with lately, like this passage:
Think what a better world it would be if we all-the whole world-had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess. And it is still true, no matter how old you are-when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
Rubio’s candidacy is already embarrassing enough for all Latinos as he embraces his Cuban roots and discriminates against spanish speaking immigrants from Mexico, Central America and South America who incidentally live throughout his hometown of Miami.
Rubio’s latest, laughable campaign strategy seems to be kicking the War on Women up to stupid levels, in a vain fight for every last anti-women’s-choice anti-abortion litmus-test loving Republican voter after claiming he’d support a no exemptions abortion bill – and baldly lying about prior support for exemptions at the first GOP Debate held last week – if he held the highest elected office in America.
Rubio’s campaign never had a serious chance to vault America’s most thirsty politician into the highest office in the land. We always kind of assumed that he’s running for Vice President, or running to increase his profile and use the Republican revolving door between government and lobbying to get rich.
After all, Florida’s a big swing state, and nobody’s going to ask Jeb Bush to be the anchor dragging another Republican Presidential campaign down to defeat as a second fiddle, leaving lots of ground open to Rubio after he missed his chance in 2012 with the Romney campaign. It says a lot about the weakness of Marco Rubio’s intellect and persona that Mitt Romney who had binders of women and a snowball’s chance of winning Florida without Rubio’s help still chose Paul Ryan who couldn’t even deliver Wisconsin over Rubio.
All Rubio really had to do was talk about politics without doing anything else stupid for twelve whole months, and he’d have a greater than 50% chance of becoming a Vice Presidential candidate and benefitting from a quarter of a billion dollars in free advertising for his personal brand.
Now, Rubio will have to work hard to stay in the race past this summer, and to keep from being laughed out of any room he enters for the rest of his political life for giving lessons about how “Human life Won’t Become a Cat.”
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Opinion columnist and former editor-in-chief of Occupy Democrats. He graduated from Bennington College with a Bachelor's degree in history and political science. He now focuses on advancing the cause of social justice and equality in America.