Donald Trump and Russian dictator Vladimir Putin’s bromance has gotten to the point that they’re sending each other Christmas cards. The Trump transition team announced on Friday that Putin had sent a “nice letter” to him.
Pulling out all the bigly words he can find and shallowly tickling Trump’s ego with the use of “EXCELLENCY,” Putin’s letter is thick with vague diplomatese.
“His thoughts are so correct. I hope both sides are able to live up to these thoughts, and we do not have to travel an alternative path” said Trump, obviously not understanding what the letter means.
Here’s what Putin’s letter really says.
Dear Useful Idiot,
Please accept this public offering of superficial friendship that is sure to help convince a narcissistic fool obsessed with appearances such as yourself that I am actually your friend. Our countries have serious global and regional challenges to face in the coming years, the majority of which I am responsible for in the first place and will continue to exacerbate in the coming months.
I look forward to you becoming the President of the United States, since an ignorant and easily mainpulatable dunce like you presents significantly less opposition to my plans to recreate the Soviet Empire in my own image, foster authoritarianism and corruption around the world, make myself the richest person on the planet, and needlessly slaughter Syrian children for the hell of it. I could not be happier to watch a hated enemy destroy itself from the inside, which the United States will surely do under your tiny-fingered stewardship.
Colin Taylor is the editor-in-chief of Occupy Democrats. He graduated from Bennington College with a Bachelor's degree in history and political science. He now focuses on advancing the cause of social justice and equality in America.