The whole nation was on the edge of its seat today as the impeachment trial kicked off in full and the Senators were sworn in to be Donald Trump’s jurors. The president did not waste any time before letting the nation know how he felt about having charges read out against him in a courtroom — something he’s very used to hearing — by simply sending out an all-caps tweet screaming “I GOT IMPEACHED FOR A PERFECT PHONE CALL!”
The “perfect phone call” is one of the weirder verbal phrases that has become permanently fixed in the president’s paranoid, obsessive, and rapidly decaying brain, and as such has become almost a meme unto itself. What exactly is the “perfect phone call?”
Social media tried its best to answer that this afternoon, with all the hilarity, sarcasm, and vulgarity that you we all know and love from Twitter.
Here’s a sample of the best responses:
This is what silver spoon kids that are never held accountable for anything sound like.
AKA very strong “Mom, yell at my teacher to bump my grade up” energy https://t.co/5Qz0sCt0FX
— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) January 16, 2020
What exactly is a perfect phone call? Besides a stupid thing to say. https://t.co/HF4ne1Z8Cq
— Ken Olin (@kenolin1) January 16, 2020
what happens during a "perfect" phone call? do you hear angels sing with the galactic host? is perfect sexual arousal occur? is it anything like popping bubble wrap?
join me in my 10-part pbs documentary, as i work my way around the world in search of the answers pic.twitter.com/uvKmtIZFdb
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 16, 2020
I JUST GOT IMPEACHED FOR FLUSHING MY TOILET 10 TO 15 TIMES! https://t.co/5U5mkoawHv
— Rob Haffey (@rbhaffey) January 16, 2020
This reminds me of the time I so nearly made the perfect phone call but then at the last minute I illegally pressured the Ukrainian President to dig up dirt on a rival or lose out on military aid and I blew it. https://t.co/e4WWYrRWVi
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) January 16, 2020
YOU, TOO, CAN HAVE A PERFECT PHONE CALL WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP!
CALL THE DONALD J. TRUMP PERFECT CALL HOTLINE: +1 (954) 448-7867 https://t.co/peuRNTKuoL
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) January 16, 2020
The only perfect phone call I ever heard was when one of my kids was a toddler on his play phone:
— ryan teague beckwith (@ryanbeckwith) January 16, 2020
"I JUST GOT ARRESTED FOR MAKING A PERFECT COCKTAIL!" – Bill Cosby https://t.co/xHorHsqTzM
— Matt Oswalt (@MattOswaltVA) January 16, 2020
damn man making a perfect phone call used to be something i really wanted to achieve but clearly it’s dangerous. really takes the sheen off of perfection.
— el-p (@therealelp) January 16, 2020
the only perfect phone call pic.twitter.com/OdDuldTBKC
— Sarah Lerner (@SarahLerner) January 16, 2020
when you realize you've been impeached for making a perfect phone call pic.twitter.com/fEnIAwoD38
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) January 16, 2020
Lol owned bitch https://t.co/8lWaT0bk3P
— logo, threata günberg's dad (@logophobe) January 16, 2020
IT WAS A PERFECT PHONE CALL BUT NO YOU CAN'T SEE THE FULL TRANSCRIPT AND NO YOU CAN'T TALK TO ANYONE WHO WAS IN THE ROOM WHEN IT HAPPENED AND NO YOU CAN'T SEE DOCUMENTS ABOUT THE CALL EITHER BUT IT WAS PERFECT SHUT UP IT WAS PERFECT.
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) January 16, 2020
I JUST GOT THROWN OUT OF ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE FOR A PERFECT PHONE CALL!
— Thick Cave & the Bad Tweets™ (@TimDuffy) January 16, 2020
grind it up. blast it into my vein. https://t.co/i7BSqmndfs
— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) January 16, 2020