On Thursday afternoon, President Trump called the media to the White House in order to hold a press conference on the biggest crisis facing the American people today.
That crisis, of course, being the crushing weight of regulation on American businesses
In a truly bizarre and absurd display, the President and his team set up an enormous diorama featuring two trucks — we loooove our truckers don’t we folks — filled with what appears to Wile E. Coyote-style 500lb weights in order to represent the “weight” of liberal regulations on Real American business, which we all know from commercials is solely conducted with pickup trucks. There is a crane lifting the weights out of the red truck with “TRUMP ADMINISTRATION” emblazoned on it, in case the heavy-handed metaphor was somehow lost on anyone.
On South Lawn, WH seeks to make a political point by setting up a crane lifting the weights of regulation from the bed of a "red" truck, while showing the burden of regulations weighing down a "blue" truck. pic.twitter.com/OoWmRPnWum
— Mark Knoller (@markknoller) July 16, 2020
But not only did Trump get to indulge his childish fascination for proletarian machinery; he also got to touch on one of his newest signature issues, which is the water pressure in household appliances.
Slurring and garbling his words, the President of the United States bragged that he was bringing back consumer choice in home appliances before launching into an insane description of the problems facing appliance owners in America today:
“You take a shower, the water doesn’t come out, you wanna wash your hands, the water doeszzent [sic] come out, so what do you do, you just stand there longer? because I don’t know about you, but my hair has to be perfect. Dishwashers. You didn’t have any water so the people that do the dishes, you press it, and it goes again, and you do it again, and again so you might as well give them the water because you’ll end up using less water, so we made it so dishwashers now have…a lot more water, and in many places, in most places in the country, water’s not a problem, they don’t even know what to do with it. It’s called RAIN.”
“We made it so dishwashers now have a lot more water, and in many places, in most places of the country, water is not a problem … it’s called rain” – Trump is out here doing a “The Price is Right” episode and whining about wimpy lib faucets that don’t have enough water pressure pic.twitter.com/3zDoAsKTlq
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) July 16, 2020
He then spun directly into a story about how he singlehandedly brought back incandescent lights and bragged about repealing the Clean Water Act, claiming that there were many “farmers and construction people” that apparently broke down sobbing — some of whom had never even cried as a baby, according to Trump:
🚨 TEARS ALERT 🚨
“People that haven’t cried since they were a baby. Some of them never even when they were a baby, and they were crying” pic.twitter.com/1kk0yTOEwL
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) July 16, 2020
These are the nonsensical ramblings of a demented old man whose brain is incapable of holding complex thoughts in it any more, just repeating the same verbal formula over and over again no matter what subject manages to force itself through his cerebral gravy long enough to inform his next few words.
It is outrageous to see the White House wasting its time and energy on partisan stunts like this while the coronavirus rages throughout the nation again, largely in part thanks to Trump and his Republican allies. He is clearly incapable of fulfilling the duties of his office and we must rid ourselves of him as soon as we possibly can.
Colin Taylor is the editor-in-chief of Occupy Democrats. He graduated from Bennington College with a Bachelor's degree in history and political science. He now focuses on advancing the cause of social justice and equality in America.