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Exhausted, defeated Trump says he won’t declare early victory in telling FOX & Friends interview

Exhausted, defeated Trump says he won’t declare early victory in telling FOX & Friends interview

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On the morning of Election Day, Donald Trump called into his safe space for one last round of ego-massage before the day that would change the world forever — and it’s clear he needed it, judging from the defeat and exhaustion in his voice.

Trump, who finished his last campaign rally just six hours before this call, did not exactly exude confidence as he was disgustingly fawned over by the FOX & Friends crew. Repeating himself even more often than he usually does, Trump said all the right things to make himself feel better, but it’s obvious from his voice that he doesn’t believe it.

The enthusiasm with which FOX & Friends licked his boots this morning truly marked a new low point for American television. “You know when they say they love you, I like how you always say I love you too, because when you love someone it’s always nice to hear to back, but what has it been like? Have you liked the job, has it been worth it? Because you’ve been under so much attack!” simped Ainsely Earhardt.

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When questioned about whether or not he would declare victory early, as many fear that he will do in an attempt to disrupt the final vote count and muddle the results, Trump babbled: “When there’s victory, if there’s victory, I think we’ll have victory, the polls, you know, are suppression polls, but I think we’ll have victory. But only when there’s victory, there’s no reason to play games. But I think we’ll have victory…I think we have a very solid chance of winning, I don’t know how they rate the chances but I think we have a very solid chance of winning.”

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Whether or not he’ll stick to that promise remains to be seen, but it is very telling that he is saying that he won’t declare victory early, perhaps hinting at a resignation to his fate…or perhaps even an existential longing to be rid of the stress and pressures of office!

Get out there and vote and help make sure our tired and overwhelmed president can get all the rest he needs…in a federal prison cell.

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