On Saturday morning, Trump supporters congregated en masse in Washington D.C. for the “Million MAGA March,” a laughable attempt by Trump’s most die-hard fans to ape the Women’s March and show their dedication to their Great Leader by giving each other COVID-19 and screaming in each other’s faces about how unfair everything is.
It was, by all accounts, an embarrassing failure.
Despite the ridiculous proclamations by the President’s Press Secretary, there was nowhere close to a million people at the march. A few thousand showed up to protest the election results at best. Considering that the Trump presidency started with a lie about crowd size, the irony is just too perfect.
The Million MAGA March is a huge failure. Dismal turnout with only the most hardcore pro-Trump losers in attendance. pic.twitter.com/5ogGkqTboB
— Nathan Bernard (@nathanTbernard) November 14, 2020
Not even the man currently holding the title of America’s Biggest Loser could be bothered to make an appearance. While he could have taken the opportunity to revel in the love of his fans and deliver a rousing speech in protest of his lost election, Trump instead elected to just drive through without stopping while on the way to his golf course, unwilling to spend any time with the unwashed rabble that worship him.
— Students For Trump (@TrumpStudents) November 14, 2020
And what rabble they were. Racists and scumbags of every flavor congregated in large numbers to preach hatred and tussle with the anti-fascist groups that arrived to counter-protest.
— John #PortlandProtest (@Johnnthelefty) November 14, 2020
Of particular note were the Proud Boys, the legion of thumb-shaped freaks in tactical cosplay who were very vocal about their opposition to “antifa,” which would make them the “fa” as in fascist.
— Ford Fischer (@FordFischer) November 14, 2020
As if their whole no-masturbation anti-feminist boys club wasn’t suspiciously homoerotic already, one of them brought a large flesh-colored dildo to “hit antifa with” in a move that Freud wishes he could write a dissertation about.
CONTENT WARNING: enormous dildo
They're a threatening to hit "antifa" with this. pic.twitter.com/0Uo7W1Oe6B
— Zach D Roberts (@zdroberts) November 14, 2020
And of course, it wouldn’t be a pro-Trump rally without a little bit of violence.
— Shomari Stone (@shomaristone) November 14, 2020
But we did get to see one rally speaker get the whole crowd to chant “FOX NEWS sucks!”
trump rally speaker calls fox news "enemy of the people" pic.twitter.com/aJiYFYdiAu
— John Whitehouse (@existentialfish) November 14, 2020
So ends the Trump era. But unfortunately, these people aren’t going anywhere, and neither is the specter of Trumpism. The Democratic Party needs to sort itself out very quick, because it’s only a matter of time before another would-be fascist despot moves to fill the void — and this time, he might not be a lazy sack of burger grease with no greater agenda than to watch TV and golf.