Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) is a member of that rare breed of politician whose slimy looks perfectly mirror his sleazy, unprincipled character. The man believes in nothing beyond his own hunger for power, as infamously evinced by his decision to become one of Donald Trump’s most loyal stooges even after the former reality show host called his wife ugly and implied his father assassinated JFK. Like a clearance rack bottle of wine left open in the West Texas sun, he’s only grown worse with time.
Cruz helped to incite the January 6th insurrection by fueling the false claims of mass voter fraud even though he knew they were complete rubbish. He was more than happy to discard our democracy and our tradition of a peaceful transference of power in the hopes of attracting the MAGA base to his side, presumably because he intends to run for president again one day. It’s a cynical motivation that now animates his role in the second Trump impeachment trial.
Despite the mountains of evidence demonstrating that Trump played a direct role in inciting the Capitol Hill insurrection, Cruz will without a doubt vote to acquit. The senator was even filmed today walking out of a meeting with Trump’s impeachment lawyers where he was reportedly helping them discuss strategy. Clearly, he sees his role not as an impartial jurist in this case but as a partisan hatchet man. His behavior is outrageous but even more outrageous is the absolutely atrocious haircut that reporters caught on film as he was ignoring their questions.
Ted Cruz does not answer reporter questions after leaving a meeting with Donald Trump’s impeachment lawyers around 3:45 p.m. pic.twitter.com/Ksu9nRjkGf
— JM Rieger (@RiegerReport) February 12, 2021
Twitter was quick to roll out an avalanche of jokes at Cruz’s expense. Generally, it’s considered poor form to mock someone’s appearance but when that someone is as fundamentally odious and evil as Cruz, it’s okay to make an exception.
Expel Ted Cruz from the Senate over this haircut. pic.twitter.com/EP1Cz0PKif
— Abraham Gutman🔥 (@abgutman) February 12, 2021
Ted Cruz got the Big Ben sexual assault press conference haircut pic.twitter.com/wopaUkIDt6
— baking digiorno on a pizza stone (@CTWritePretty) February 12, 2021
Pro-big business in the front, fascist party in the back. https://t.co/JJOyaqKKMD
— Rob Haffey (@rbhaffey) February 12, 2021
My reaction to Ted Cruz's haircut walking by me in the hallway: pic.twitter.com/BBLJzZ052A
— Lukina Skywalker 🦺 (@champagnesocia8) February 12, 2021
Ted Cruz was at one point a serious, if widely disliked, politician. Now he's a 50-year-old man who's shitposting about "Star Wars" and has the haircut of a '90s skatebro. pic.twitter.com/waK4RvOdI9
— Air”Bud”Melman (@nakedfoul) February 12, 2021
WTF is this monstrosity pic.twitter.com/4rAexy7zlB
— Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) February 12, 2021
Ted got the 2009 Eurotrash Dance Music Mohawk https://t.co/EDP5SehKpF
— Justin Whang 🐙 (@JustinWhang) February 12, 2021
Expel him from the human race. https://t.co/kjcwN1MgUy
— Monica Fraker (@FrakerMonica) February 12, 2021
Why does Ted Cruz have the hair and beard of a wacky relief pitcher from 1996 pic.twitter.com/B63gcoV3cV
— Richard Staff (@RichardStaff) February 12, 2021
Ted Cruz looking like he shaved a swastika into his hair last night as a joke and remembered it was there 30 seconds before he stepped out the door pic.twitter.com/njiAkCAM7J
— ben "slenderben" flores (@limitlessjest) February 12, 2021
Ted Cruz’s hair looks like a brown Pac-Man trying to eat his head pic.twitter.com/kOPoPUnRHR
— Nathan Deal (@NattyD13) February 12, 2021
The animorphs meme but it’s Ted Cruz slowly evolving into Riff Raff. https://t.co/2oEi5zyvrI
— Dom DiFurio🌟 (@DomDiFurio) February 12, 2021
I personally think it's very brave of Ted Cruz to rotate his hair 90 degrees like he's a Lego man https://t.co/OfoQi3Pngn
— Phillipa Greaves (@guessweredone) February 12, 2021
how is it even possible for his barber to hate him more than I do https://t.co/IlY9Pp0mFc
— kilgore trout, back in some form (@KT_So_It_Goes) February 12, 2021
I think Ted Cruz's hair is cool. When your face looks like something from the ancient oceans collection at the Museum of Natural History you have to own that shit.
— Always Winning (@AlwaysWinning1) February 12, 2021
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Rob Haffey is a writer, filmmaker, and winner of the ScreenCraft Writing Fellowship. He is a graduate of Drexel University.