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Fox News hosts fall to pieces imagining liberals trying to cancel Bible characters

Fox News hosts fall to pieces imagining liberals trying to cancel Bible characters

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Lacking any real platform after allowing Donald Trump to crater out everything they once claimed to stand for, the Republican Party has been reduced to whinging about inane culture war issues around the clock. Their latest pet issue is so-called “cancel culture,” something which has absolutely no effect on 99.99% of Americans and which usually just boils down to some racist right-winger losing their social media privileges after violating a website’s terms of service.

For some reason, the conservative media machine has convinced itself that there is a way to get voters to not only care about this imagined problem but care enough to vote Republicans into power over it. President Biden has no scandals, his administration is handling the pandemic far better than Trump’s, and America seems on the path back to economic and societal prosperity. Without something concrete to attack the Democrats over, Fox News is pumping out one “cancel culture” segment after another and the latest is perhaps the most ludicrous yet.

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“I tell you if they start canceling these American presidents, they’re gonna come after Bible characters next. Mark my words. Right?” said America’s Newsroom’s host Bill Hemmer to the dopey agreement of his cohorts.

The “canceling” of long-dead presidents is an incredibly silly thing to worry about but to get from that idea to the even more idiotic concept of “canceling” Bible characters is a high-wire act of staggeringly impressive stupidity. What exactly would “canceling” a Biblical character even look like?

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Methuselah may have lived to be 969 years old but he didn’t live long enough to have a Twitter account so he’s not at risk of getting banned. It’s not like there are massive statues of Goliath scattered across America at risk of being torn down when people realize the bloodthirsty Bronze Age giant perhaps had some problematic opinions on women. And Noah isn’t about to lose his position on the Boating and Waterways Commission over animal cruelty allegations.

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These people, those of them that actually existed, are going to be just fine regardless of whether or not they end up “canceled.”

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