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Ted Cruz sparks brutal mockery by invoking fictional character in criticism of woke CIA recruitment ad

Ted Cruz sparks brutal mockery by invoking fictional character in criticism of woke CIA recruitment ad

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On Monday evening, the Central Intelligence Agency released a new recruitment ad aimed at the next generation of college graduates. In an attempt to appeal to younger folks, the video goes out of its way to invoke the language of self-care, equality, and intersectional identity common in millennial circles and present a contrasting image of a new Central Intelligence Agency to the popular perception of a bunch of old white guys in a smoke-filled room toppling Latin American governments on behalf of the Chiquita Banana corporation.

Instead, it will be a first-generation daughter of immigrants and a mother of two with anxiety who will be toppling Latin American governments on behalf of the Chiquita Banana corporation. What progress!

The ad immediately provoked widespread mockery and disgust from both left-wing and right-wing circles on social media. Left-wingers rolled their eyes at the cynical attempt to appropriate the language of liberation and fumed at the brazen declaration that the CIA refuses to apologize for any of the torture, murders, and chaotic violence they have inflicted upon the rest of the world since the end of the Second World War.

The right-wing, of course, sputtered in indignance that the CIA had presented themselves in any way that wasn’t comically overexaggerated hypermasculine aggression. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), who has taken it upon himself to be on the front lines of every asinine culture war faux-controversy, complained that “we’ve come a long way from Jason Bourne,” who of course is a fictional character from the movies.

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Inevitably, the tone-deaf Cruz failed to see the irony in that the entire plot of the Bourne movies are about the CIA trying to kill Jason Bourne to keep him from exposing their illegal activities.

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Cruz’s response to the CIA tweet started a social media storm all on its own, racking up over 6,000 replies as prominent commentators weighed in on his curious decision to use a fictional character to complain about real-life agency recruitment.

Donald Trump’s friendliness towards North Korea was a major theme in the criticism from liberal hawks, who immediately descended into the absurd “who-can-be-more-performatively-belligerent-in-foreign-policy” competition that always erupts whenever Trump gets brought up.

Those further to the left were quick to reassure Cruz that they had no doubt that the CIA would continue its assassinations, drone wars, coup support, and all the other nefarious activities they are infamous for.

No matter the issue, Ted Cruz can always be counted on to find a way to humiliate himself in his desperate attempts to stay relevant in a post-Trump America.

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