If you could only choose one Trump to end up in a prison cell, who would it be?
Perhaps the big man himself? His life of corruption has certainly earned him such a cold reward. The former president’s role in the January 6th insurrection alone makes him a deserving candidate, and he surely committed a litany of crimes while his kleptocratic outfit was running the White House. But with questions about his health swirling, it’s possible he would end up serving only a couple of years in prison before heading to that big condemned casino in the sky (or more likely someplace a bit more subterranean).
Perhaps you’d like to see one of Trump’s idiotic sons face justice? Eric Trump funneled money for a children’s cancer charity into his family’s pockets and Donald Trump Jr. is basically just a dumber version of his dad with all the predilection for illegality that that implies. One can only imagine the kind of criminal escapades they got up to while their dad was running the most powerful political office in the world.
And then there’s Ivanka, the First Daughter who tried to sell herself as moderating presence in her father’s administration only to stand silent as his most reactionary, hateful policies were rolled out over Americans. Like her brothers, barring an investigation, it’s impossible to even guess how many laws she broke while gallivanting around the world attached to her daddy’s hip, peddling influence and shilling for her sweatshop brands. A betting man would go with “myriad.”
Luckily for the American people, one or all of the Trump’s could soon be swapping out gold-drenched penthouses for tiny concrete cells. Yesterday, it was revealed that New York Attorney General Letitia James’s office has joined with the Manhattan District Attorney’s office to investigate the Trump Organization in a criminal capacity in addition to the ongoing civil probe.
“We have informed the Trump Organization that our investigation into the organization is no longer purely civil in nature. We are now actively investigating the Trump Organization in a criminal capacity, along with the Manhattan DA,” a spokesman for James told CNN.
Details are scarce as to the scope and severity of this criminal component, but the news has lit social media afire. Judging by the outpouring tweets, people are particularly excited about the idea of Ivanka Trump going away on a long taxpayer-funded vacation to the hoosegow.
First day of prison.
IVANKA: So I printed out my resume, and I wrote a three hundred word essay on why I think I’d be a really good member of your gang, the Latin Queens. I know, overachiever. I also have a recommendation from the CEO of Goya. He’s a friend.
— Mr. Newberger (@jeremynewberger) May 19, 2021
When Ivanka heard the Trump organization is now being investigated on criminal charges, she asked, "But what does this have to do with me – Ivanka Kushner?"
— Paul Rudnick (@PaulRudnickNY) May 19, 2021
Suddenly realizing that Ivanka's smug, complicit ass could end up in prison along with her crooked dad makes it so very much sweeter.
— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) May 19, 2021
— Kimberley Johnson (@AuthorKimberley) May 19, 2021
All I can hear is: ‘I plead not guilty, your Honor’ in a soft, sibilant cooing voice. @IvankaTrump
— NoelCaslerComedy (@CaslerNoel) May 19, 2021
So Ivanka is going to go through some thoroughly deserved things..
— Ann is still European ♥️ Respect & Empower Women (@56blackcat) May 19, 2021
If Ivanka Trump goes to prison, I'm sending everyone frybread
— Ancient Millennial (@PernellThomas) May 19, 2021
Oh, Ivanka …. https://t.co/GZl7NUe7dn
— Outspoken (@Out5p0ken) May 19, 2021
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This is a staff report from former Occupy Democrats Editor in Chief Colin Taylor or contributor Rob Haffney.