In case you needed any reminder of just how deeply brain-broken the brains of American conservatives are and how literally anything and everything can provoke a howling culture war tantrum, it appears the latest target of the right-wing’s wroth is none other than Big Bird.
That’s right, the beloved Sesame Street muppet bird who towers above all the other denizens of the Street but who somehow is only five years old. Now that the CDC has approved the use of COVID-19 vaccines for children as young as five, Big Bird took to Twitter to celebrate his vaccination and to encourage others to do the same.
I got the COVID-19 vaccine today! My wing is feeling a little sore, but it'll give my body an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy.
Ms. @EricaRHill even said I’ve been getting vaccines since I was a little bird. I had no idea!
— Big Bird (@BigBird) November 6, 2021
Because the professional conservative mediasphere is occupied wholly by enormous babies who are deeply emotionally invested in children’s media, this inevitably sparked a wave of backlash from ostensible grown-ups getting furiously angry at a children’s puppet for promoting commonsense public health policy.
“THEY’RE BRAINWASHING OUR KIDS!” screams the literal same people who are currently trying to remove any accurate depiction of American slavery from school curriculums, sending death threats to school board members, and are forcing kids to recite the Pledge of Allegiance at school every day.
Government propaganda…for your 5 year old! https://t.co/lKUlomnpq1
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) November 6, 2021
— Jay Rybak (@jayrybak19) November 6, 2021
— Nick Searcy, INSURRECTIONAL FILM & TELEVISION STAR (@yesnicksearcy) November 7, 2021
Sesame Street and Big Bird brainwashing your kids days after the vaccine got approved for 5 year olds. https://t.co/FQTIgnYkoP
— Carmine Sabia (@CarmineSabia) November 7, 2021
This kind of propaganda is actually evil.
Your children are not statistically at risk, and should not be pressured into a brand new treatment.
Do Not Comply! https://t.co/cnS1GAqowi
— Steve Cortes (@CortesSteve) November 6, 2021
Brainwashing children who are not at risk from COVID. Twisted. https://t.co/KPjdHJjpUy
— Lisa Boothe (@LisaMarieBoothe) November 6, 2021
5 days later… *Big Bird posts photo from his hospital bed* “Hi kids, I had a little heart attack but it’s very rare. I’d do it all over again and can’t wait to get my booster shfndnnd" *announcer* "Sorry kids he’s having a reaction totally not related to the shot and needs rest" https://t.co/4vWvQyx4eQ
— Robby Starbuck (@robbystarbuck) November 6, 2021
Leftist Twitter, on the other hand, delighted in the opportunity for some absurdist humor and satire at the expense of the hooting and baying chuds:
vaccination status aside i keep seeing tweets about how we need to calm down because “Big Bird is canonically six years old.” no i’m sorry the thought of an enormous bird trapped in an endless childhood does not calm me https://t.co/rvrHH07C1s
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) November 7, 2021
Seems the worst people in the country have latched on to this tweet.
A word of advice to them. Millions of us have known Big Bird for years. Watched. Studied. Learned.
We can't tell you how to get to Sesame Street. But we know this:
You come at the Bird, you best not miss. https://t.co/ZqxXN06LxF
— Max Kennerly (@MaxKennerly) November 6, 2021
the goverment experiment to make birds huge is a successe. https://t.co/xvF3UEQgvk
— birdsrightsactivist (@ProBirdRights) November 7, 2021
they gotta have one anti vax muppet to balance it out, but it’s gotta be bert. https://t.co/OkT9ydR2wi
— Patrick (@lunch_enjoyer) November 7, 2021
Truly, I fear for the future of our country.
Please CALL your Senator TODAY @ 202-224-3121. tell them to support the Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson Honoring Our PACT Act of 2022.
Opinion columnist and former editor-in-chief of Occupy Democrats. He graduated from Bennington College with a Bachelor's degree in history and political science. He now focuses on advancing the cause of social justice and equality in America.