FLORIDA, MAN: Sunshine State is without a governor as DeSantis runs for prez
Congrats, Florida! You just resoundingly reelected a Nazi-sympathizing, homophobic, racist bigot with a Christo-fascist messiah complex who used the state to run for president. But yay, you got to go to the Olive Garden maskless while 82,000 died so he could own the libs. Fantastic.
But that’s not the worst of it. You really should be congratulating Lieutenant Governor Jeannette Nuñez, or should that be Ron’s Russian-accented attack dog and fascist groomer Christina Pushaw, we’re not sure, because you know as well as everyone that DeSantis is no longer Florida’s governor.
Just look at the NY Post. They have picked Trump’s Afterbirth as their new bloated, bloviating golden child in an ill-fitting suit whose ego is almost as big as his expanding waistline and his fave Daytona Beach truck stop, Buc-ee’s.
His thirsty wife has already picked out the glassware in the White House, they’re that confident.
All eyes on Trump's fauxtweets this morning pic.twitter.com/NbAFjoDNJP
— The Recount (@therecount) November 9, 2022
He’s flying close to the sun, this one, but will he be burnt by it — or by his mentor? That is yet to be seen. But a memo to mainstream media:
Before you go anointing Trump’s Afterbirth as the second coming of the Turd Reich, remember not to leave out those pesky details like:
- the 82,000+ Floridian deaths just so he could keep the Olive Garden open during a deadly pandemic to own the libs,
- the worst property insurance crisis in Florida history,
- the highest cost of living in the US and in state history,
- the most abysmal teacher pay,
- a restrictive culture of censorship of those with whom he disagrees,
- fascistic petty vindictiveness, and retaliation against enemies and critics,
- (TRIGGER ALERT, MIAMIANS) Communist tactics when it comes to “freedom of the press,”
- silent acceptance of #NazisInFlorida,
- that book he wrote about slavery being good for the economy (like keeping the Olive Garden open during a deadly pandemic), and
- women’s rights being a bad thing.
Did we mention human trafficking legal migrants on the taxpayer dime? What about the rise in gun violence under his regime?
Have I missed anything?
He’s #NotDeFuture, as the Governor Hochul state of NY Post would like you to believe. He’s a cruel, petty, vindictive #DeFascist #DeSaster that slithered out onto the national stage last night bragging that Florida is where “Woke comes to die,” forgetting about all those who died of covid.
He would sooner yell at a kid in a mask or a drag queen serving eggs Benny at a Sunday brunch than he would condemn a swastika-flying Nazi in Florida wearing a Canal Street MAGA hat repurposed into one that says “DeSantis Country.”
Never once has he expressed a single regret for that. But we know big Ron is bully on being a bully —and cowardly on the truth.
So, get ready, America, for the Trump Afterbirth 2024 platform: owning the libs, banning nonexistent ‘woke’ math books, drag brunches & lifesaving medical care, silence on Nazis & assorted strains of white supremacy, open carry, censoring teachers from teaching LGBTQ or BLM history, whitewashing history.
But first, we will pour ourselves a nice Chianti to go with those fava beans as the battle between explosive diarrhea and projectile vomit, the Florida Man mashup of All About Eve, Lord of the Flies, and the Bride of Chucky gets underway starting yesterday. Godspeed, Florida.
Lesley Abravanel is officially a blue dot in a blood-red state, possibly looking at real estate in her very blue home state of New York but will probably stay in Florida just to own the MAGAts.
Follow her on Twitter@LesleyAbravanel.
This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.
