THE BEST WORST PEOPLE: 7 Republicans who might be challenging Trump in 2024
2022 has been such an insane year that the twice-impeached, two-time loser of the Popular Vote who has been under multiple federal investigations for essentially his whole life was actually allowed to file paperwork with the FEC to run for president again in 2024, with MAGA Republicans cheering him on.
The only silver lining in having to live through a third Donald Trump presidential campaign–which leaves him without the RNC paying his legal bills anymore, sad!–will be watching his challengers drag him to filth while also being subhuman punchlines for the rest of us.
Well, that and rewatching the footage of him climbing those small metal steps to make his announcement a Mar-A-Lago instead of repeating the Escalator Ride That Started An Endless National Nightmare.
Herewith is a list of seven Republicans who are most likely going to throw their non-MAGA hats into the ring, at least according to The Hill.
I’m gonna do my own ranking. And I do mean RANKING — because they’re all terrible options. Also, as a fun added bonus, every single one of them is a traitor to the United States. Yay, 2022!
- Ron DeSantis — Do we have to enumerate all the ways DeathSantis should never be allowed anywhere near the White House? If you know nothing else about the Florida Man With the Gilead Plan, just know he’s a former Navy JAG-off who probably does Gitmo roleplaying with his Wife, Casey (aka Serena Joyless)
- Nikki Haley — Icky Nikki is the kind of climber who makes my teeth itch. I’ll never understand Republican women. No, No Nimrata!
- Mike Pence —Mother’s Special Boy is “thisclose” to announcing his candidacy to run against his “friend” Donald Trump. Way to hang in there, Mikey! Yeah, you see what I did there.
- Mike Pompeo — Trump’s former Secretary of State can’t find enough buses to throw Donny under, because Pompous Pompeo is that much of a POS opportunist.
- Glenn Youngkin — The racist Virginia Governor–whom Trump mocked by making his last name into an Asian slur–is closer to DeSantis in his intentions to turn the rest of America into a vast wasteland of impoverished slaves to the rich. Hard pass, y’all.
- Larry Hogan —The Maryland Governor is probably the least-worst person on this list because he’s the only “Never Trumper” here. This means he’ll have zero chance of getting the nomination because the rest of the party is still in Cult 45.
- Ted Cruz — Oh yeah, I saved the worst-worst for last. There just aren’t enough bad things to say about Cruz, who’s happily embraced his role as America’s Most Hated Person while fully leaning into being Trump’s eternal toilet AND bidet. I would legitimately prefer another Trump administration to Ted Cruz running the country. The idea brings my brain into Silkwood Shower territory.
Trump is losing support with Republicans, so expect some interesting debates if he decides to stay on the campaign trail. You know things are bad if he’s lost Captain Venmo and the rest of them.
Matt Gaetz wants Trump to have primary challengers for 2024, earn the GOP nomination. pic.twitter.com/jvKX8SGDIR
— PatriotTakes 🇺🇸 (@patriottakes) August 8, 2022
This is a good example of the midterm sea change – how before Trump's endorsees lost, other 2024 challengers weren't taken seriously.
Haley ditched her "I won't run if Trump does" position in July, but the RJC was the first place people noticed! https://t.co/MvO73kUtR5 pic.twitter.com/rPYHTSpCfO
— David Weigel (@daveweigel) November 21, 2022
Old Trump’s lethargic primetime speech beneath crystal chandeliers and the stars and stripes had the opposite effect, conveying the impression to many of a Yesterday’s Man who has lost his swagger, more vulnerable than ever to DeSantis and other would-be challengers in 2024. pic.twitter.com/3bKOWXDOFV
— BigDaddy (@strujillo075) November 19, 2022
Tara Dublin is a woefully underappreciated and unrepresented writer currently shopping a super cool novel that has nothing to do with politics while also fighting fascism on the daily.
Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks.
Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.
