CAREFULLY TAUGHT: Former GOP Governor’s books “guide” kids into groupthink
Former Arkansas GOP Governor Mike “Suckabee” Huckabee sure hates a lot of things, and now he wants all of America’s children to hate them too!
Come sit a spell on Uncle Suckabee’s lap so he can spin you a yarn from his vast collection of illustrated indoctrination that is “The Kids Guide.”
Hosted by eSpired.com — sort of a “Go SkyDaddy” for the Conservative Christians — each “guide” is “A FUN AND FASCINATING LOOK AT THE SUBJECTS THAT KIDS NEED TO KNOW” according to the landing page.
Really, now? Do tell us more about what you think kids “need” to know, Suckabee and Pals!
“We created the Kids Guide series in response to an overwhelming need to make it fun for kids to learn about the concepts, people, places, and events that drive our nation and our world. From the greatest moments in American history to today’s hottest topics, the Kids Guide gives children a deeper understanding than they can get anywhere else.”
Keeping it vague like that is white on target for Suckabee.
OK, parents (sorry, we only mean just the man and woman kind of parents when spreading God’s Love), how would you like to begin to groom — I mean”guide” — your kids?
Perhaps ease them into the Suckaverse with a stroll through the troubled past of Florida GOP Governor Ron DeSantis?
And no, this isn’t a parody. I checked.
Brand new item! ‘Kids Guide to Ron Desantis’ pic.twitter.com/bUmrZgtoOV
— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) January 16, 2023
Where exactly would such a guide take your school-aged child? I’m guessing Suckabee skipped over the part when Lil Ronny DeathSantis just hung out at Gitmo in his JAG costume with a micro-boner while watching detained prisoners get tortured.
If the thought of reading about The Florida Man is too much for your young’un, but you’re fine with scaring the Baby Jeebus out of them with a big Red scare, why not immerse them in The Kids Guide to Fighting Socialism?
It comes in a handy GIFT BUNDLE, heterosexual Christian parents!
What separation of Church and State?
The Kids Guide makes it clear that Jesus founded America when he landed at Plymouth Rock on the Titanic with Christopher Columbus and Magellan, right around when they all started the GOP!
Or at least, I imagine that it does, given its provenance.
I just can’t decide which is worse: drag queens reading your 3rd grader a Dr. Seuss book about embracing peoples’ differences, or Mike Huckabee terrifying children with the specter of making their ears bleed with whatever lurks beneath this book cover.
Please vote for Democrats. Say what you want about the Democratic Party, but we’re not doing ANYTHING like this insanity from the GOP.
Tara Dublin is a woefully underappreciated and unrepresented writer currently shopping a super cool novel that has nothing to do with politics while also fighting fascism on the daily.
Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks.
Editor’s note: This is an opinion column that solely reflects the opinions of the author.
