IMPLOSION: Elon Musk’s terrible, no good, horrible, very bad week
This has not been a good week for Elon Musk.
On Wednesday, Microsoft announced that Twitter is being dropped from its advertising platform starting next week.
Beginning Tuesday, April 25th, Microsoft users will no longer be able to access their Twitter accounts through its Digital Marketing Center’s social media management tool.
They won’t be able to schedule, create, or manage tweets or tweet drafts.
Additionally, users won’t be able to view their past tweets, or check their engagement on the Microsoft Advertising platform.
Companies that use Microsoft Advertising will still be able to manage and create content for Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn through the platform, just as they were able to before.
Microsoft made the bombshell announcement the day after Musk appeared at a major marketing and advertising conference in Miami.
The useless billionaire tried and failed miserably to lure brands back to the platform after Twitter lost half of its biggest advertisers following his takeover of the company in October.
The conference didn’t change that, because Musk kills everything he touches, including what used to be the best social media app ever.
Oh, if only everybody had warned everybody that letting Musk use Twitter as his own personal overflowing litterbox.
But things got even worse for Musk on Thursday, which was supposed to be a major day of celebration for his other penile substitute company, SpaceX.
While he was immaturely celebrating “4/20” with his dipshit brigade of $8 blue check fanbois, Musk’s newest rocket’s test launch failed spectacularly.
SpaceX’s biggest, most powerful, and thankfully unmanned rocket, the Starship, launched in Texas before what the company tried to frame as a “rapid unscheduled disassembly” occurred during its ascent.
In other words, IT EXPLODED.
https://twitter.com/nancylevine/status/1649059059981758466
The biggest and most powerful rocket ever built, Space X's Starship, launches in Texas before a "rapid unscheduled disassembly" during ascenthttps://t.co/hRvf4jIThd pic.twitter.com/XJ8YCayRF2
— BBC News (World) (@BBCWorld) April 20, 2023
Musk’s supporters were trying to frame an exploding rocket as a success because we live in the UpsideDown these days. But let’s think for a second here.
Doesn’t Elon own another company that makes a vehicle that can explode if a human isn’t driving it?
And doesn’t that company he destroyed also want him gone like yesterday because he’s been so distracted by Twitter?
Yes, yes, Tesla Girls, it’s true.
And, like the rocket going down in a blaze of shame, Tesla stock plummeted Thursday.
Musk also continued his spite-reign of Twitter by taking away some Legacy Verified blue checkmarks because he’s a petty little bitch who can’t let other people have nice things.
REDO: Elon took away our legacy blue checkmarks today because he’s a petty little bitch pic.twitter.com/uhvQttbH3O
— Tara Dublin ((isn’t paying for this)) (@taradublinrocks) April 20, 2023
An exploding rocket is the most perfect visual metaphor for all of Elon’s failed attempts at life, so Twitter busted out the marshmallows to roast Musk over the burning wreckage.
Elon: Wanna bet I can't destroy something even faster than Twitter? https://t.co/D1jUknJhw5
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) April 20, 2023
SpaceX announces that it will address today’s rapid unscheduled disassembly by firing its verified engineers and replacing them with members of the public who will pay Elon $8/month to be called “Engineers” pic.twitter.com/ly6hwGNyYO
— Mrs. Betty Bowers (@BettyBowers) April 20, 2023
Elon Musk doesn’t want you to share this#SpaceX pic.twitter.com/qUHpbjre0m
— David Leavitt (@David_Leavitt) April 20, 2023
Now my tweets don’t have a blue check, but my profile does. Come on, Elon. This isn’t rocket science.
— Mueller, She Wrote (@MuellerSheWrote) April 20, 2023
SCOOP: Elon Musk is no longer removing legacy blue checks, but instead will require all users to post at least one tweet a week discussing a quality of his they admire in order to maintain active accounts on the platform.
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 20, 2023
SISSY SPACEX SUCKS, puff puff pass it on.
*THIS IS AN OPINION COLUMN THAT SOLELY REPRESENTS THE OPINIONS OF TARA DUBLIN. HOORAY FOR THE FREE PRESS!*
Other hot takes by Tara Dublin can be found on TikTok and Twitter @taradublinrocks.
