SPLITSVILLE: House GOP leader enrages husband with surprise divorce papers
America’s least-informed House Republican just filed for divorce and her future ex is livid.
Colorado Rep. Lauren Boebert is divorcing her husband, Jayson Boebert, after 18 years of marriage.
And Twitter isn’t exactly sympathetic to her plea for “privacy.”
“This is truly about irreconcilable differences,” Granny Bobo said in a press statement.
“I do not intend to discuss this matter any further in public out of respect for our children, and will continue to work hard to represent the people of Colorado’s 3rd Congressional District.”
The former restaurant owner/gun enthusiast served the registered sex offender with divorce papers on April 25th.
Granny Bobo, 36, is suing for parental-decision-making power and child support for the couple’s four sons.
You know, the same four kids who all have their own guns.
Jayson Boebert was said to be “very angry” when a process server arrived to deliver the divorce papers.
He was “drinking a beer and cleaning his gun” and released his dogs after refusing to accept the papers.
All that’s missing is someone stealing his pickup truck to make this a perfect country song.
The two walking rap sheets had a love story for the ages — Lauren and Jayson married just one year after he was accused of exposing his penis in a bowling alley bar.
Jayson pleaded guilty and served jail time for public indecency and lewd exposure. Then they made a bunch of babies in the front seat of his truck (probably).
That’s where Bobo claims she also gave birth to at least one of their four sons. Aww.
It’s unlikely Squeaky will get the privacy she’s asking for during this divorce, because she’s awful.
“It is with a heavy weight on my heart that I have filed for divorce from my husband. I am grateful for our years of marriage together and for our beautiful children, all of whom deserve privacy and love as we work through this process,” Boebert said in a statement.
“I’ve always been faithful in my marriage, and I believe strongly in marriage, which makes this announcement that much more difficult.”
Suuuure you’ve always been faithful, Squeaky.
While all rumors of extracurricular activities outside of her marriage have been shot down repeatedly by Granny Gun Groomer, Twitter was all speculation on Wednesday.
This tweet from her “favorite Senator” Ted Cruz was making the rounds again, because people are just curious about their “friendship.”
I’m sure everything was above board and “Drill Baby Drill” isn’t a private thing between them.
That’s not a “special look” she’s giving him at all.
My friend @laurenboebert at #SOTU
Drill Baby Drill! pic.twitter.com/iW1yV1gju4
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) March 2, 2022
The Squeaky schadenfreude was spilling all over Twitter on Wednesday.
BREAKING: MAGA freak Lauren Boebert files for divorce from her husband Jayson — an ironic turn for a politician supposedly obsessed with the "sanctity of marriage."
Boebert says that she filed for divorce with a "heavy weight" on her heart and insists that she has "always been… pic.twitter.com/BKXtrGq5w9
— Occupy Democrats (@OccupyDemocrats) May 16, 2023
Lauren Boebert demands her privacy during her divorce and says where she’s going and what she’s doing is nobody else’s business. pic.twitter.com/t6IHHikvFi
— 😱 Scary Larry 😱 🇺🇦✊🏻🇺🇸🗽 (@aintscarylarry) May 17, 2023
While Lauren Boebert goes through a painful divorce, please show her the same level of kindness and respect that she has shown victims of gun violence. pic.twitter.com/K7R9xtZ0Lu
— Middle Age Riot (@middleageriot) May 16, 2023
Turns out ‘Drill, baby, drill’ coulda started as just dirty talk between Lauren Boebert and Ted Cruz.
— Paul Lander (@paul_lander) June 15, 2022
REMINDER: Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Kellyanne Conway are all getting divorced at the same time.
There's your MAGA family values.
— Mayo 🤍 (@MayoIsSpicyy) May 17, 2023
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*THIS IS AN OPINION COLUMN THAT SOLELY REPRESENTS THE OPINIONS OF TARA DUBLIN. HOORAY FOR THE FREE PRESS!*
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Tara is a reported opinion columnist at Occupy Democrats. She's a woefully underappreciated and unrepresented writer currently shopping for a super cool novel that has nothing to do with politics while also fighting fascism on a daily. Follow her on Twitter @taradublinrocks